To Kyle, thank you for everything! Mad propz for this piece you wrote...we kno that this piece would move a lot of lost people...See You At Tha Crossroads...

those who dont want to hear this shit im talkin about, better delete this right here right now. i wouldnt want to bore your petty lives. peace.

-quote- teenagers, most typical of all. who else would kno venial sins from mortal sins, who most would care? as long as we have our ciggs, our beers, our parties and sex, what would the world matter to us? as long as we have this feeling of acceptance from peers, security from parents and materials to fool around with what more could you ask? screw that. 18 years of living without the slightest idea of what lifes about, hell im thankful to God for giving me so much pain. i never knew life could be such a bed of roses just by thinking it. ever shut up and wonder why things are so perfect, no.. nobody shuts up and wonders, everyone is too busy talking, blabbing, hell they dont even have time to listen to what they have to say for themselves. thats the typical adolescent, probably even parents. 18 years of living, i tried to accept God, each and everyday i did, but there was one major problem. no matter how hard i tried i was never sincere enough. its been 3 months since ive moved here to the US, and things were gettin pretty good. i was supposed to start school, make friends, typical routine of a new neighborhood, new life. i wasnt bitter, i was proud my parents sent me here. its only been a year since my sister passed away from leukemia and i wasnt even finished recoverin from her loss. life is so good. i start gettin these unbearable pains in my stomach, everyone says its jus amoebiasis or excess gas or somethin, i had no idea. didnt seem like a real big deal. 1 month passed and the pain hasnt stopped, my mother decided to take me to a real doctor not some nurse coz they make wrong diagnosis. doctor said my intestines had an obstruction, somethin that was blocking the passage of food. she told me to take some antibiotics and call the next day. the same day i started vomiting blood, feces and bile. the most uncomfortable feeling a person could ever experience. the stench of that shit comin out your throat. the emptiness of your stomach. i couldnt even eat. i had to be rushed to the hospital emergency room. screw that, why would you care? it didnt happen to you. but ever think if it did? i never expected it. i had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks. they shoved a 5 foot tube inside my nose passing through my throat, it had to suck all the fluids and solids from my body because it couldnt get out of my system due to my intestinal obstruction. i had no food for 2 weeks, not even water. my arms and hands were bruised from all the ivys, the antibiotics and all that shit. they had to shove camera's up my ass, they had to put things down my throat, they had to fill my friggin rectum with water to clean my system. doctor said my intestines had a tumor. thats why nothin could pass by it. i told myself, more fuckin problems, i dont need any more fuckin problems. but what can i do? i cant walk out the hospital, i cant go home and continue my life without having surgery. the worst fuckin 2 weeks of my entire life, hospital process is torture. they even had to shove a tube inside my privates because i couldnt even urinate on my own. this isnt some war or shit like that, im jus tellin you what i went through, hell if you dont want to listen then don't. its for those who want to understand and relate to things better. its a big deal if you believe in god. so lemme get back to my story, doctor had to take out 7 inches of my intestines and do an illeostomy procedure on me. they cut a small hole in my stomach and attached my inverted intestines to it. i had to take a shit on a fuckin bag they connected to my stomach. i havent taken a shit usin my rectum in 2 months. i have a 7 inch scar from the center of my stomach all the way down. as if that wasnt painful enough. i even have to go through another operation again in the end of the month, atleast theyre gonna be putting my intestines back together so they can remove the bag. stupid bag. still in the hospital, doctor sat down and told me that ive been diagnosed wit colon cancer. i was all... what the fuck. when a doctor tells you you got cancer youre whole system jus shuts up and youre mind keeps processing. its not a pretty thought. i always thought id be healthy till i die since i stopped all my bad habits. who knows. no one expected anythin to get this worse. my sister already died of cancer but hers was different. 2 cancer patients in one family? brother and half sister even? what kind of god is this? as if my family didnt have enough to go through. saddest thought is when you see your relatives crying and you cant do a fuckin thing about it. jus makes you so furious even though you really have no one to be furious at. god? cant be furious bout him now can we, we dont even see him. and i hate all you hippocrites. you dont kno shit. this is first hand information right here. it didnt come from anyone else, straight from me. still lying at the hospital bed, so furious, so mad, so troubled i didnt kno what to do. jus wanted to take a whole bottle of tylenol and die by suicidal overdose. although i didnt. i was happy i had my morphine though. that shit kept me high through all the troubles. hahaha. but that night. i dont kno what the hell happened. god talked to me in some weird way. talking without words, talking through silence. i jus woke up the next day wit a ton of information and answers on my mind. things i couldnt have possibly thought of by myself. i was doubting what i knew, but when i recalled all the information i had jus learned, it was all so sincere. i kept tellin myself in amazement, god fuckin talked to me and i could hardly beleive it. i only believed it bacause i recalled each and everythin he said. i dont want to tell you everythin tho. you might get bored. hahaha. but so what. it was god himself and you can really feel how sincere he is. ive never felt so sincere with anything. god simply took all the fury, the anger and whatever the hell i had i dont kno. he made me realize so many things about life and how it is true that each and everyday should be lived like it was the last. he told me bout heaven and hell, and about how there are already fuckin devils walkin on earth. he told me about my relatives, about my friends. and now, i dont even mind having to go through so much pain again. because when god LITERALLY talks to you. everythin else seems artificial. it makes HIM reality. hahaha. i cant even believe it. if you dont believe it so don't, i dont mind. jus keep livin the rest of your life entwined in smoke, drugs, money, lust, and whatever the fuck you want to. coz the shit i went through was an experience everyone i feel should go through. god is so good. you dont kno who the hell youre doubting if youre doubting god. you dont kno shit about him till you feel the sincerity, the concern and the fact that he really talked to you. god is too good. he even said that people dont even deserve to go to hell, no one deserves to go to hell. although there are people who are so selfish and want to be out of the crowd, shit like that.. you dont kno what youre fuckin talkin about. antichrist? atheist? stupid punk motherfuckers. you wont kno shit till you really fuckin go to hell. told me that hells like havin a million pins stickin every part of your body 24 hours a day for the rest of your petty fuckin life. hell, why would anyone want to go through that shit? because people want attention, so they deny god(they say) and praise satan, hahaha. bullshit punks. you dont kno what youre goin through stupid pricks. gods too good for naive little punks like you atheist, satanist, go to fuckin hell. i kno i dont care. but when you do go to hell. write me a letter tellin me how much fuckin fun youre havin. hahaha. thats practically much it. sorry for all the cussing, for those of you who kno who i am, you kno how i talk. jus give time to read and understand what i jus sent you. you dont have to send it to anyone, its not some stupid chainletter threatening you if you dont send it to people or shit like that. its for your own relfections. dont be stupid. realize and appreaciate. god doesnt mind much about the cussing, the smoking, the small things as long as you kno how sincere you are towards other people, towards concern and intentions. jus let him feel how accepted he really is and how much faith you have in him and NOTHING will go wrong. god is too good and forgiving. jus keep your intentions good and your feelings sincere. no doubt you'll understand life better. ciao. -qoute-

akc.